6

i told my mom. her exact response was "oh no". how supportive of her. when she saw that she'd really hurt my feelings she came back with something about her being very tired and don't take it personally. awesome ma...thanks for the support. i haven't gotten quite the response i was hoping for from anyone but brandon really...but then again i didn't really have the reaction i would have expected from myself, either. i know everything will be okay. i know we will make it and everything will turn out alright. it's just figuring out the steps to make the end result be something that will be good for all of us. i'm resourceful so i know i can make this work.

my main concerns as of this moment:
-money
-how we will afford child care for ev and the new baby
-getting a second job (or third for brandon)
-figuring out space and where the new baby will sleep (this won't be an issue right at the beginning as the babe will be in a bassinet in our room for a little while anyway)
-whether or not kipp will stay with us.
issue number #1-if he goes we will have space but not enough money
issue number #2-if he stays, eventually space will become a problem and we won't be able to afford the place.
there are pros and cons to both...i love kipp though and i really feel like we are already cramping his style. a new born will only add to that.
-school...i have to stay in...i cannot drop out. i really have to just get my nose to the grindstone and stay the hell in school. at this rate i won't be done for another 5 years :(
-the short term disability through my work that is supposed to be your maternity leave....i didn't know this and only took out a little bit that ends up equaling about $60 every pay check for the weeks i'm at home with the new baby after i deliver. if i just let my paid time off hours accumulate from now until the time i deliver and not use ANY i will have enough to just use those and get my normal full pay check amount for no more than 6 weeks.


as far as just realities of the situation that kind of suck:
-can't finish any of my tattoos for another 8 months
-can't have caffiene
-had to throw away my ciggs last night...i'm hurtin for one right about now too


good things!:
-i really wanted ev to have a brother or sister to play with and i kind of wanted them to be close in age so they can hang out and play together
-i'm done with jail and probation, so that won't interfere at all!
-i'm in a relationship where i know i will have support and help...something i lacked when i carried ev
-as much work as it is going to be, i know it will be a blast
-5 years from now when i'm through school and we are actually settled, all this will seem so distant, so....unreal, and we will look at our lives then and our family and laugh at how silly we were for being so scared of it all
-brandon will be a really great daddy


i don't go to see my doctor until february 10th. apparently you don't have to see the doc until 7-9 weeks into the pregnancy. last time i didn't find out until i was 14 weeks so i didn't know that. at that appointment i will have my first ultrasound, etc, lots of blood work...it's going to suck but it will be good as long as brandon goes with me. i'm going to post a lot more frequently about how i'm feeling and how things are going, etc.

as scared as i am...i am really excited.