Long over do.

So here I am...once again, to apologize for neglecting my blogging obligations. Maybe this time I mean it and then again, maybe I just don't.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, too much thinking. With one week down and 7 and a half weeks left to spend in jail...I've got all the time in the world to think and it's the last thing I want to do. All I can focus on is that the new year is going to be a new beginning. I'm going to be done with this jail bullshit...finally have it all behind me...I'll be moving in with Brandon and that will be fantastic...I think I need that. He's kind of the rock I've needed for a long time, here at long last. I'm ready for life to start...I'm ready for all the hang ups and shit storms to be gone. I'm anxious to just live, worry free, and with the comfort of knowing that I made it, when everyone thought I wouldn't.

There's going to come a day when I can look back at all this and laugh, maybe even be thankful for some lesson I'm going to learn from all this that just hasn't struck me yet, but for right now, it really just pains me. It breaks my heart when I leave Ev for a week. It breaks my heart being away from my Mom and Brandon for a week. Sleeping in jail literally breaks my back. I'm excited, I'm looking forward, and I know I'll make it. I know I'm tougher than they all think I am. I know I've got all the support I need to make it through this...and onto something that will leave my mark, that will make me happy, that will be rewarding. I'm bound and determined to come out on top...and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.